In a society where being busy is sometimes taken as a badge of honor, it’s really easy to find it hard to say “no”! But there is a fine line between busy, burned out and exhausted- and the lines between all of the aforementioned tend to get muddy on a frequent basis.
In this day and age, having a coach on your side can be really helpful! On today’s episode of Calm, Cool and Connected- Dr. Fedrick is joined by Annalie Howling. She is going to help explain why having a coach on your side is so helpful!
Key Takeaways from Liz’s chat with Annalie:
• Hear what exactly it means to be a high performance coach
• Learn what people come to her for help with
• Find out how an ego can hinder progress
• Discover how energy management and boundaries go hand-in-hand
• Hear how introducing breaks in our days can help with our energy levels throughout the day
All of this and more, on this episode of Calm, Cool and Connected.
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Dr. Liz: [00:00:00] Now more than ever. We have an opportunity to be a positive force in the world to help heal the divide, to treat each other and ourselves with respect. Well, there's so many tools out there from meditation to physical training, proper nutrition therapy, and so many others. We all need a little help navigating all the options.
Join us as we share in-depth information, insights and thought provoking discussions that will help answer your questions about how to stay calm, cool, and connected. During these times. Welcome to calm, cooling, connected your guidebook to peace of mind.
Hello and welcome to cool connected. I'm your host, Dr.
Elizabeth. And a society where exhaustion is viewed as a status symbol. It can be really difficult to find that fine line between being busy versus being productive and even the line between being ambitious and letting your worth be tied to your achievements. This is where therapy and coaching can be really beneficial in helping you find that balance.
Our next guest Annalee howling is a performance [00:01:00] coach with over 20 years of experience, working with leaders in business, elite athletes and members of the armed forces, and at least here to chat with us about the necessity of boundaries and energy management. When it comes to being a high performer.
I am Emily. Thanks so much for joining us.
Annalie: Hi, thank you so much for inviting me
Dr. Liz: on. Absolutely. So before we jump in, let's talk a little bit about the work that you do. What does it mean to be a high-performance
Annalie: coach? Sure. So I think coaching has kind of transitioned itself over the last few years.
When I first trained to be a coach, it was sort of all seemed to be a bit, a bit. Unusual and people now think billions helped a lot with that. Anybody that's familiar with windy roads in billions, but high performance coaching really is focusing on almost like the athletic ability, whether that's a corporate athlete athlete in sport or elite special forces and it's to do with managing your energy to really achieve your goals in extremely difficult and challenging.
So really focusing on how we can absolutely generate our performance where it's [00:02:00] not a case of, well, I can't go to work today or I can't do this, you know, like special forces or in sports, you know, you have to perform your best all the time. And how can you best manage that alongside life's challenges?
Because life happens.
Dr. Liz: Absolutely. And when you are, you are at that high performance level, but then you also have these daily stressors. In addition to that, finding the balance can be really hard. What are some of the barriers that you see your clients facing? So even, you know, when a client decides to seek you out for help, what are they coming to you for and what are they up
Great question. So I was having a conversation with a client who's uh, ultra high net worth last week. And. What I seen, what I see happening is when you're climbing, when you're maybe, you know, whether you're in office, elite sports, anywhere else, you're climbing, you're chasing, you're hungry and you're more risky.
You're more likely to take more risks because you're kind of like biting chunks of someone ahead of you. And you've got someone to chase and also you have some inexperience, so you're happy to like [00:03:00] dive in and I'll do this and I'll do this. And it's, you're taking bigger risks and something I've noticed in my clients when they come to me for is when they've had some success or they're successful.
You can become quite conservative. And then that's when the good old imposter syndrome starts creeping in the inner critic, things like that. And then you're, you're less able to take the risks that you were that made you so edgy and so great to start with because you're trying to hang on to the success you've got and then this dance between being conservative and more.
The security herself and have security versus needing to take risks to stay at the top of your game and continue to innovate and stay ahead of the pack. It's trying to find a way to do that. Dance unfit, authentic. Yeah, that
Dr. Liz: imposter syndrome that you're mentioning is such a real thing for so many different types of people in so many fields.
And that's such a good point. I have a lot of clients who maybe they have achieved great wealth or, you know, power, whatever it is that they've achieved. And [00:04:00] their thought is, well, I don't actually deserve this, or, you know, something's going to happen where this has pulled away from me. And so, as you're saying, they start to act.
Scarcity mindset or this fear based mindset. What do you do with that? Like, what is your approach to that where you
Annalie: start? I mean, literally exactly as you've just named, that was, that was an amazing overview because it's the ego, the ego starts jumping in and jumping up and down and going, oh, no, be careful.
And exactly, as you've said, the lack mindset, scarcity you know, things that we can't do or can't have it. It's not finding people, adopting behaviors to try and stay safe. And that's the ego that's your ego is saying, oh no, don't do this. And don't try that. There's there's a very well-published study that said that the things that humans they're the most number one is rejection.
Number seven. You know, there's still this thing that we fear is rejection. And that dates back to when we were literally surviving and to be ostracized from your group from people [00:05:00] we were living with would have meant death. We start becoming much more conservative and our ego starts jumping in a lot more and making us fearful if you like, because it wants us to stay connected and the higher we go, the more.
Privy to whatever it is we're doing, whether we're on a sports pitch, you know, the boardroom people are seeing decisions. We're making council culture, and let's add a few more things into the fire is successful person families relying on you. All of these things that becomes the ego can really start getting in your ear and playing game.
And that's when some of these other behaviors are exacerbated and you're moving away from your core. You're moving away from your center. And to be honest, probably not having a lot of. You probably wonder, why am I doing this? I'm sure you have your clients all the time. Ended up in this, in this position.
I don't even know who I am anymore. Or why is that?
Dr. Liz: Right. And what is some of the work that you might have people start doing? Are they challenging those beliefs? Are they creating evidence logs? Like what, what do you have them start doing to kind of push back against
Annalie: that? [00:06:00] So I'm a big fan of exposing it.
You know, I've got a bit of a system which is. So we need to understand what it is and there's a wound sitting underneath it somewhere. So is this from childhood? Is this from an experience? Have we maybe not come from a background? Like we're now experiencing perhaps with wealth or status what's going on there and then we have revealed it.
We can then feel it because you found out that we can't keep band-aiding. We can shove some band-aids on for awhile, but we have to get into this wound and say, okay, what does this need? So we need to feel it and stop the band-aids. And then when we've done that, that's when we can really heal and that's when we can move forward.
So it's a journey through that. I say, if you've ever been diving and you've put the path and you're going scuba diving, you can't go smashing down to the bottom. You'll get the battens, you'll get sick. We have to just sort of decompress and go down there. So we feel safe and we feel equipped and recent.
Technical term, making sure you've got enough resources and tools to do that. So you feel safe, but you can't avoid it. And I'm, I'm a big fan of saying things that are [00:07:00] maybe a bit difficult in a safe way and challenging to make sure that, like I say, we're not just shoving band-aids on something because it will come out somewhere else.
If we do that too.
Dr. Liz: Right. Absolutely. I love that approach. It's exactly how I address it as well, because you're right. The band-aid will only last so long, but the wound remains and it will find another way to pop up. And if you know what are you talking about? Energy management and, and as well as boundaries.
So are those tied together? Are those two separate concepts? Can you elaborate
Annalie: on. Sure. I mean, I think that boundaries are an essential bookend to energy management. So if I'm a single parent, a young daughter, and if I want to make sure that I'm the best mommy, I can be for her as well as doing my job and living the most fulfilling life for me, I need some boundaries in there to make sure that the finite source of energy that I have for that day can be used in the things that I care about the most, you know, and other things.
So I've got to say some nos somewhere. I can't be doing. [00:08:00] Bake sale at the school and doing my job and something else. So something's got to give, and that's where I think boundaries come in to protect your energy, which is like I say, this time is finite, but energy is renewable, but you have to put in regular breaks to make sure that you can recharge yourself in whatever way that is for you.
Walking in nature, breathwork changing your physiology, spending time with friends, whatever it is for you. To be able to have this expanding source that can keep us going to do the things we love. We do need to put these boundaries in place. And I say to everybody, it's, it's the easiest word in the world.
It's magic. I'll give it to you right now. No
you know, the idea of saying no to people is very difficult for us.
Dr. Liz: Yes. And as you're saying with the coaching, for people who are wanting to achieve higher or achieve more, you have to say no, because you can't take on all of the things that you want to be really good at these handful of things.
And so that makes a lot of sense. And the energy [00:09:00] management piece, as you're saying, that's tied into that is preserving. That energy.
Annalie: Yeah, absolutely. You cannot sprint a marathon. If you tried sprint marathon, you would collapse. And we know that from athletics, we like, well, of course you can't, that's silly, but yet we look at our lives and we're trying to sprint marathons in our lives.
We're trying to add on more, you know, Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I'll take an, all of these things. So we, we are sprinting marathons in our day-to-day life. And yet it seems like the silliest thing in the world. When you say about doing that in athletics and any kind of sport, there's a finish line, there's a clear finish line where, you know, you're taking a break and that's introduced into our day to make sure we're having regular breaks to take when you, so our energy is renewed.
And so we're able to do the things that we love with energy and actually enjoyed them. So that's this energy management piece again. Bookend it with some beautiful guy.
Dr. Liz: Great points. I love it. Where can our viewers find you website social media? Where can you be found?
Annalie: I think the best source of information is probably our Instagram, which [00:10:00] is at Annalee howling.
And then you guys put the link up. Thank you. I have a tick shop as well, which focuses a little bit more on relationship, work, narcissism things that are very heavy on the boundaries actually, which is also Emily housing. That's tick top. And my website is in Pasa consulting dot. Very good. Thank
Dr. Liz: you so much for joining us Annalee.
Annalie: appreciate it so much. I loved it.
Dr. Liz: And thank you all for tuning into this episode of Collin cooling, connected. Please make sure to find us on Facebook and Instagram and also make sure to rate and subscribe to our podcast so that others can discover our content as well. Thank you again for joining us on this episode of calm, cooling, connected. .