Kids can be challenging and frustrating to deal with sometimes. But there are ways to make non-compliance less frequent!
On this episode of Calm, Cool and Connected, Dr. Liz explains three ways to get your kids to comply (without cracking the whip!).
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Dr. Liz: Hello and welcome to calm colon connected. I'm your host, Dr.
Elizabeth Bedrick today. We're going to be talking about three effective ways to get your kids. And often when I talk about this topic and sessions or with people in different settings, the thought goes to what are the most effective consequences? What are the ways that we can work to eliminate these beads?
But when in fact, getting your kid to comply starts with preventative measures and it starts by [00:01:00] doing things prior, even leading up to your request. And so these three things that we're going to talk about today are actually ways to strengthen your relationship with your child, which is crucial to getting your kids to comply.
We're motivated to do things to make other people happy that we're in relationship with when we respect them, when we care about their opinion. So when the parent child relationship is struggling, And the child feels motivated to comply because they want to be respectful towards their parents. This is an entire game changer with compliance.
So the first approach that you can use is something called positive label. This is an approach that's used where we find our kids doing something right. Versus catching them, doing something wrong. And so we intentionally seek out these opportunities to praise them. Now, this is more specific than just saying good job or thank you.
But rather positive labeled praise is very specific to the behavior. So you're labeling what it is that you like to see. [00:02:00] For example, a lot of parents think. To get their child to put addition the dishwasher, they think, well, that's just expected. They should put their dish in the dishwasher. And while that's absolutely true, it's still in behavior.
We w we want to reinforce, therefore we would label it and we praise it by saying thank you for putting your dish in the dishwasher for younger children. Then when you're trying to maybe have them help you clean up their room, clean up their toys. By praising them each step of the way they're feeling like you're noticing that they're doing well.
And they, there creates a positive bond between the parent and the child. So you want to keep in mind that we want to provide at least three to five positive remarks for every redirection that we provide. The second idea. I spending more one-on-one time with our children. So more quality time and no running errands does not count as this one-on-one time, but rather this is intentional sought out opportunities to really engage with your children.[00:03:00]
And so this can look a couple of different ways. I usually suggest to my clients that they do this daily. So they find maybe anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes a day, where for younger children, they're getting on the ground, they're playing with cars with blocks coloring. And then for older children, this might be just sitting down in their room and checking in on how was your day or what's new?
What, what is something interesting that happened to you today? A second aspect of one-on-one time is actually dating your children. And so this is finding opportunities where you will go out and do something your child enjoys maybe once a month, a couple of times a month, where you're going to dinner, you're going to get ice cream, going to a movie.
Something where your child knows that you took time out of your very busy schedule to do something just individually with them. That sends a huge message in terms of how significant they are to you. And the third idea is to avoid. It becomes really easy [00:04:00] when we get our check. When we want our child to do something, to get into this conflict, to get into a back and forth who get, can get louder, who can get more intense so that somebody ends up getting their way.
But actually what ends up happening when you get involved in a power struggle is you send a message to your child, that you are peers that you're on an equal playing field. And this actually ends up diminishing your authority more than a certain. So it's important that you start to recognize some things you can just let go.
Some battles are not worth picking sometimes it's okay to just not make a big scene about something. A common example of this would be maybe you ask your child to take out the trash and they have been, they pass, but inevitably they go take out the trash. Some parents are attempted to make comments or say something about don't have that attitude.
Don't be disrespectful. And well, yes, absolutely. We want our children to be respectful. Not every single interaction [00:05:00] requires you to redirect. And so you can then go back to using positive labeled praise and say, thank you for taking out the trash versus criticizing them for how they're doing. Keep in mind that the quality of the parent-child relationship makes all the difference when it comes to compliance.
When your child respects you, when they feel close to you, when they feel adored by you, they feel that they're important to you. They're much more likely to do the things that you want them to do. Thank you for tuning into this episode of calm, cooling, connected. Please make sure to find us on Facebook and Instagram and also make sure to rate and subscribe to our podcast so that others can discover our content as well.
Thank you again for joining us on this episode of calm, cooling, connected. .