Calm, Cool and Connected - The Guide Book to Peace of Mind

Tackling Anxiety with Etiquette

June 22, 2022 Calm, Cool and Connected Season 1 Episode 190
Calm, Cool and Connected - The Guide Book to Peace of Mind
Tackling Anxiety with Etiquette
Show Notes Transcript

Etiquette can be defined as “the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.” There are a lot of day-to-day uses of etiquette that a lot of us may not even notice.

Knowing this code of polite behavior may help some navigate anxiety in social or work settings.

Joining Dr. Fedrick for this episode of Calm, Cool and Connected is Zoë Yeoman. She is an actor, producer, director and she has been an etiquette professional for years.

Key Takeaways from Liz’s 1-on-1 with Zoë:

• Hear about Zoë’s background, and how she started working in the etiquette field 
• Learn some examples of etiquette in daily interactions
• Find out some common things we can all do to help ourselves in social situations 
• Hear some tips from Zoë on how to feel more comfortable in social situations

All of this and more, on this episode of Calm, Cool and Connected.

Find out more about Zoë on her website:
Connect with Zoë on social media:

For more information on Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, visit her website:
Connect with Dr. Fedrick on Instagram: @drelizabethfedrick

Watch the video interview on our Facebook Page

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[00:00:00] Now more than ever. We have an opportunity to be a positive force in the world to help heal the divide, to treat each other and ourselves with respect. What was so many tools out there from meditation to physical training, proper nutrition therapy, and so many others. We all need a little help navigating all the options.

Join us as we share in depth information, insights, and thought provoking discussions that will help answer your questions about how to stay calm, cool, and connected during these times. Welcome to calm. Cool, and connected your guidebook to peace of mind.

Dr. Liz:

Hello and welcome to calm. Cool and connected. I'm your host, Dr.

Elizabeth Fedrick and a kit can be described as the rules or expectations that are governed by society. anything from formal events to everyday interactions. And while there are many forms of more antiquated etiquette expectations, there's also a lot of everyday etiquette that we engage in without even realizing it.

Joining us today is Zoe. Yoman an etiquette expert. She's gonna be talking to us [00:01:00] about some insights regarding etiquette as well as some ways that it can really be helpful in easing social anxieties. Hi, Zoe, welcome to 

Zoë: her show. Hello, Liz. Nice to see you. 

Dr. Liz: Oh, so nice to see you as well. Thank you so much for joining us.

Before we jump in, tell us a little bit about yourself. Tell us about your role as an etiquette expert and 

Zoë: a little bit about what you do. Well, I'm having been brought up in a rather formal environment with a military family. I've found that etiquette kind of really is a social lubricant.

When people have an opportunity to chat with you and to meet you for the first time. Coming across as open and confident really, really can help, you know with that lubrication. And it's a lot easier than people think. Even with people who may suffer from anxiety from time to time, some very simple techniques that will really help people.

Dr. Liz: Yes, and I absolutely agree. And, and I even [00:02:00] do, you know, work around and we would call it more social skills in the work that I I do as a mental health therapist, but very similar that we talk through these social cues and social expectations to help people feel more at ease is 

Zoë: It's true. Yes. And putting people at ease, you know, we, everyone wants to be liked.

Everybody wants to feel welcome. And so when you are the one who's making someone feel welcome, when you feel more at ease, people tend to gravitate toward you. And they tend to understand that, oh, this is actually a really nice person. And gosh, you might actually be interesting to chat with. So. It's, it's a really kind of a really cool thing and a great tool to use and you're right.

They are a skill set. It is, they are skills for life. Really? 

Dr. Liz: Yes. What are some examples of etiquette that comes up in our daily interactions that we might not even be aware of? 

Zoë: I think a lot of times people kind of are uncomfortable walking into a room. So if you're having to [00:03:00] network, if you're going to an event and there are people who, who are introverts, right?

And so they tend to have a kind of like at this discomfort about walking into the room. But if you're smiling, sincerely, if you're making eye contact with people, really, even before you speak, they get a sense of who you. So just breathing and smiling and being open to people who might come up to you and saying your name, you know, giving them your name, repeating their name.

These are things that just make life a lot easier when we walk into a room for the first time. Right. 

Dr. Liz: And it's like that saying that your energy introduces you before you even open your mouth and. That's easier 

Zoë: describing. Yes. Yes. Put perfect. Exactly. And so, you know, you don't have to be the one to make all the small talk.

You just wanna make eye contact and have a strong handshaker these days. I guess we're doing the, yes. A [00:04:00] smile will go a long way. And I know that women, sometimes we feel like, well, why do I have to smile? Or it just tells people you're approach. Right. That's that's what it's about. It's letting them know, giving them the signal that you're approach.

What are some, 

Dr. Liz: do you work as an etiquette coach or how do you share this information as an etiquette expert? Where are you? How are you translating 

Zoë: it to others? I have off and on for 15 years been an etiquette coach, so, okay. Children, sorority, you know, charity league, big corporations. I I've traveled to the United States teaching and sharing this knowledge vice presidents, executive executives, you know?

And so, so. You'll find that even people who have been in business for 40 years have some discomfort about how to be at the table and how to present themselves. And, and even your body posture tells people how you're feeling in the moment. Right. We talk about body language all the time especially at a certain trial that a [00:05:00] lot of us just watched, right?

Yes. So your body language tells people your level of comfort. So yeah, I've been doing this for some time. And what do you 

Dr. Liz: find to be when maybe some of the most common struggles that people have with etiquette? Is it more around some of maybe the antiquated etiquette expectations or is it more around the daily 

Zoë: interactions?

I think a lot of times it's around the daily interactions and I believe also that some of that more kind of antiquated. Rules of the road. Yes. If you'll have really kind of put a stigma on, on how this is supposed to be. So if you have a job interview, you know, you can send an email like everyone else, you can send a text like everyone else, but a handwritten thank you.

Note. We'll set you apart. So in some regard, those kind of older antiquated things can hamstring us. And then there are times when they really actually do matter. I think the [00:06:00] most important thing Liz is really justify some comfort in your own skin. Yes. To do, to do the best you can, to not feel like.

Everyone's judging you, you know, people don't really walk around judging us day in and day out. They truly don't. So some of this discomfort, some of this anxiety is kind of self-inflicted and right. Does. Great posture help. It does. Does proper grammar help? It does. Is it the end of the world? If you make a faux PA, it is not the end of the world.

Dr. Liz: Right. And do you find that some people maybe struggle with, so let's say they're going into a formal setting and they are worried about not knowing all the rules, not knowing all the expectations. Do you notice that this then impacts how they present? So they almost. Overly consumed with the etiquette, which actually impacts them 

Zoë: their etiquette.

It does. It can. It certainly. And what do you suggest with that? I think [00:07:00] that if you're at a table, follow your host or hostess. Hmm, whatever they do consider doing, putting their napkin in their lap. When they first sit down, I mean, there really are only five or six things. And probably one of the biggest ones that people go is, well, is that my water?

Or is that my bread plate? You know? And that's a simple fix. B is for bread. That's your left hand in this case camera right. D is for drink. Right? So in this case the right hand side of your screen and not the left, right? So B and D bread and drink. And so now you always know which one is which, and it can literally be as simple and as easy as 

Dr. Liz: that.

Oh, I love that. Such a good tip. That's so helpful. Thank you. What would you say would be even a couple pieces of advice? So for people listening and maybe they want to ease some of their social anxiety, they wanna feel calmer in social setting. What would be maybe a couple tips you might 

Zoë: give to help with that [00:08:00] breathe, be present.

Don't concern yourself. What people with what people are thinking about. You don't look. For offense, don't look for up to be offended. Understand that everyone wants to be liked and everyone wants to be included. Try not to be a monologue. So when you find somebody to chat with, remember their name, Continue to breathe, cute, little sweet little chit chat, and then move on.

And it really can be that, that easy. I think soothing ourselves, sometimes holding our own hands can be a form of, you know, soothing so that we feel a little bit better in the moment. A little more control, a little more comfortable in the moment. And really. Get there and enjoy yourself. Do your best to just enjoy yourself.

Dr. Liz: Yeah. That is a great tip about holding your own hand, because I know when I work with clients with self show anxiety, [00:09:00] that is honestly, one of the things that comes up frequently is sometimes I don't even know what to do with my hands. Like what, where do I put 'em? What am I supposed to do with them? And so that's a great point of.

Zoë: Class them together. And it makes you kind of look like you're ready. Yes. I can't stand up and do it, but it can make you look like, hi, you know, you're ready. And then you put that hand out strong handshake, please. Everyone, not the fish, like a nice strong grasp eye contact and a smile. Tell them your name.

And remember theirs. And if you get it wrong, ask them to spell it. You know, there's nothing worse. Ask them to spell it, ask them to repeat it. There's nothing worse than calling someone by the wrong name for three hours, if you've been to upset. And if someone does that to you, correct them gently, like that's a really kind thing to.

Yes, absolutely. People say Joey Lowy, you know, you know, all kinds of iterations and I'll say, no, Zoe [00:10:00] Z you know, Z with a Z, oh, with a Z and they'll still pronounce it. And I just help them along and you'll see the smile on their face. And now you've put them at ease. 

Dr. Liz: Yes. Such good information. Tell us Zoe, where can people find more about you website, social media?

Where can you 

Zoë: be found? The OG etiquette is the name of my website. And then you can also find me on Instagram, the OG etiquette expert. 

Dr. Liz: Well, very good. Thank you so much for joining us today. Zoe such good information, 

Zoë: Liz. Nice to meet you. Nice to join you. Thanks. 

Dr. Liz: Thank you. And thank you all for tuning in to this episode of calm, cool and connected.

Please make sure to find us on Facebook and Instagram and also make sure to rate and subscribe to our podcast so that others can discover our content as well. Thank you again for joining us on this episode of calm. Cool and connected.