Calm, Cool and Connected - The Guide Book to Peace of Mind

Working Through Self-Sabotage

January 10, 2022 Calm, Cool and Connected Season 1 Episode 129
Calm, Cool and Connected - The Guide Book to Peace of Mind
Working Through Self-Sabotage
Show Notes Transcript

Working Through Self-Sabotage with Tyson Derksen

All journeys of self-improve and transformation are bound to hit some snags. It's easy to fall into the trap of self-sabotage and walk back any progress you've made. So how do you work through the inevitable setbacks or self-sabotage tendencies?

Today Dr. Elizabeth is joined by special guest Tyson Derksen. A long-time health and fitness enthusiast, Tyson channeled his passions into a successful career as a weight-loss coach. He has invaluable experience helping clients navigate self-sabotage and he's here today to share some advice and tips to help you on your own journey. Regardless of the type of transformation or goal you're working towards, Tyson's message of grace, self-compassion, and encouragement is exactly what you. 

Key Takeaways from Liz’s chat with Jonathan:

• Hear about Tyson's background as a weight-loss coach 
• Learn about his own body / mind transformation journey
• Find out how self-sabotage challenges Jason's clients
• Learn how you can work through your own self-sabotage 
• Hear how you can transform your mind as well as your body. 

All of this and more, on this episode of Calm, Cool and Connected.

Learn more about Tyson Derksen:
On his Instagram: @tyson_derksen
On his Facebook: @tysonderksenfit
On his website: https://tysonderksen502.lpages.co/the-confident-body-challenge-2/

For more information on Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, visit her website: evolvecounselingaz.com
Connect with Dr, Fedrick on Instagram: @drelizabethfedrick

Watch the video interview here

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DISCLAIMER: THE CONSULTATIONS OR INTERACTIONS OFFERED ARE NOT MENTAL HEALTH THERAPY. THE CONSULTATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT STRUCTURED IN A WAY TO PROVIDE MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELING/PSYCHOTHERAPY/THERAPY/ DIAGNOSING OF ANY KIND. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT CALM COOL AND CONNECTED IS NOT PROVIDING INFORMATION AS YOUR TREATING MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR, PHYSICIAN, ATTORNEY, LEGAL COUNSEL, EMPLOYER, MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. We offer no guarantees or promise of results from event nor assume liability for any information provided. 

Dr. Fredrick: [00:00:00] Now more than ever. We have an opportunity to be a positive force in the world to help heal the divide, to treat each other and ourselves with respect. Well, there's so many tools out there from meditation to physical training, proper nutrition therapy, and so many others. We all need a little help navigating all the options.

Join us as we share in-depth information, insights and thought provoking discussions that will help answer your questions about how to stay calm, cool, and connected. During these times. Welcome to calm, cooling, connected your guidebook to peace of mind.

 Hello, and welcome to calm. Cool and connected. I'm your host, Dr.

Elizabeth bay. Self-sabotage is considered the active, engaging in behaviors that are really not in your best interest. And that ultimately lead you further away from your goals. There's many reasons that people self sabotage, including negative or limiting beliefs about themselves, fear of failure or even fear of success.

And sometimes it's because they just don't know how to behave in a different. Here with us today is Tyson Dirkson, a weight loss coach Tyson is [00:01:00] here to talk with us about some common causes of self-sabotage as well as ways that you can shift away from these behaviors in order to reach your goals. I Tyson welcome.

Tyson: Hey, how are you? Good. How are you? So happy to have you thank you for having me here. 

Dr. Fredrick: So tell us a bit about yourself in the work that you do before we jump into self-sabotage. What, what is the work that you do? 

Tyson: Yeah. So I'm actually, women's fat loss coach, but I focus primarily on weight loss, but an approach that's from the inside out, because I truly believe that weight loss happens between here and here, the brain and the heart, and then, you know, food plus exercise.

It's secondary.

Dr. Fredrick: Sure. And so how did you get into this coaching field? Like this space? What drew you to wanting to do the specific. 

Tyson: Yeah. So, you know, all my, all my life, I've been like this healthy guy in the break room. And and then also, like, I loved fitness. I loved working out, but like, I never knew how to get my body in shape.

Like, I, I, I was obsessing like in [00:02:00] 2014 is like, I just went abs and I'm going to get rid of my love handles. And so I went on that journey and four years later I hired a coach. He showed me how. It transformed my body, but more so it transformed my mind And when that happened, that really, really started everything.

Dr. Fredrick: Tell me about that. What, what do you think specifically went into? Was it the behavior changes? What did you guys focus on that you think really worked to transform your 

Tyson: mind? Yeah, so, you know, in that it was very, it was very strategic. Like there was. Much mindset work at all and what he did with me, but the transformation of my mind really came after as when I like navigated it by myself because I had the recipe and then I just had to go through the experience of it.

And then through working with clients, I started to identify, oh my God, The relationship with food has so much to do with this. How I watched my mother treat food, treat [00:03:00] diets, right? She did Nutrisystem, she did so many things. You know, I'm part of the, you know, the, the low fat, the no sugar low sugar generation.

And then, and then, you know, it just kept. 

Dr. Fredrick: Sure. So when we tie in this self sabotaging behaviors to this, because we know it is very common, I'm sure in the coaching that you do as well, how would you describe, but let's just start with the basics. How would you describe self-sabotaging? 

Tyson: Yeah, well, it really starts with, okay, this dieting, this weight loss is all or nothing.

Right. Okay. It's you know what, I'm, I'm going from being bad supposedly. Right. And not getting by it too. Okay. I'm starting Monday. And on Monday, I'm just gonna start eating healthy. In fact, I'm feeling so bad and guilty that I'm gonna try to do two days and worked out a lot. So it's coming from this, like, I've been so bad and now I've got to be really good.

Two total extremes. Right. Right, 

Dr. Fredrick: right. And then those two [00:04:00] extremes, it's nearly impossible, if not completely impossible to maintain that, that new extreme. And so then that's what leads to these behaviors of, I can't achieve it anyway. I'm not going to do it. It's too much. It's too hard. And so how do you see these behaviors show up for your clients?

How do you see them start to self-sabotage? 

Tyson: Yeah. So what happens with them is like, they'll get to a certain point and, you know, because anybody can do anything for, I don't know, 15 days, 30 days. Right. But the behaviors, the old behaviors are gonna wanna start coming at like six weeks. That's when the trade points start because, and that's why my program is six months long.

Like life has. Bad days, bad weekends and meals happen, but it's how we work through that, that they actually, you're going to get the shift to break through their own mental plateau, because this isn't so much about losing the physical weight. It's really about losing the mental. 

Dr. Fredrick: Right. Right. And so to your [00:05:00] point, after a few weeks of engaging in a new behavior, it's really easy to slip back, but when you have a program that's multiple months long, you're there to catch them as they start to slip back into these old behaviors and help them guide them on that new trajectory a hundred percent.

Okay. Yeah. So what, what are some benefits that your clients see from that work that you do? So even give us an example of. Somebody starts to revert back to some of these old behaviors. How do you step in and help them to, to like redirect them back to their new 

Tyson: path? Yeah. So first and foremost, we're going to release some guilt and shame because that's what this is about.

That's, what's keeping them blocked, right. Feeling so bad about themselves. Like, okay. I just had, you know, I had a horrible day. Right. And in what do they want to do? Oh, well, I threw it all the way. Effet. Why does it matter? Like it's all this internal dialogue. Like I'm just wasting my time because I'm going to fail at another diet again.

So that's this internal [00:06:00] dialogue of berating themselves, but really I helped to show them that listen, You didn't do anything right? You didn't hurt anything. You didn't mess anything up, you didn't ruin your progress. And so we worked through that. We release it in a few days. Literally. It's just like, okay, I'm back at it.

Back at it. As in, even if they gained some weight, it's gone, right. It's more signs up to shift to feel good about themselves again, because if you don't feel good about yourself, you're not going to be super motivated to do the thing to eat healthy. Right. So it's, it's really an internal. 

Dr. Fredrick: Right. Absolutely.

And that's a lot of the work that I do with my clients as well as when they start to slip back. And it, the analogy that I use is, you know, if you were to get a crack on the screen of your phone, you wouldn't then throw it on the ground and shatter it completely. Right. You would try to figure you work around with the crack.

And so that's similar to what you're describing. It sounds. 

Tyson: Absolutely. Yeah. There's no way that you've [00:07:00] ruined everything. 

Dr. Fredrick: Right. Right. So it tells us when are there certain patterns, when you talk about the mindset, are there certain mindset, patterns, or common limiting beliefs that you see most frequently with your.

Tyson: Yeah, so that, that first one of like truly them thinking, they ruin it by having a bad day or, you know, a bad meal. They get so hard on themselves that they usually start to slip back into the old habits. Another one is, you know, we live in such an, instant gratification world with social media.

They think everything happens fast. It doesn't change takes time. You know that right? Those are, those are some of the pieces there. That we have to work through the limiting beliefs and, and also they failed at so many diets before they don't trust themselves. They don't know if the anything's going to work.

So how can they trust their gut to think that this is going to be the answer, this. 

Dr. Fredrick: Right. And how do you [00:08:00] see that manifest? So when somebody doesn't trust themselves anymore, how does that manifest in their daily behaviors, in their interactions, even in their relationships with 

Tyson: others? Yeah. So it's like, w well, the thing is.

Most diets are set up like, oh, we're going to do a 30 day challenge or whatever. And so, you know, you get into it and then you, you can be perfect through maybe day 20. And then when you don't do that, then you're like, holy crap. Like I just ruined it. I'm wasting my time. Why do I do this? And it just turns into this negative spiral.

And, but it's truly look, there is no stopping and starting, like who created that? Marketers created that, right? Just like cyber Monday. New year's resolutions black Friday. It's created life. Doesn't stop and start. It always keeps going. So we shift out of that old paradigm because when you do that, you give yourself some freaking grace.

And that's what these people need most because [00:09:00] the diet culture, a regular culture has just put so much pressure on us to look a certain way and be a certain way. But when these people can get a new. a fresh set of eyes on themselves, grace, and go slower. Oh, then, okay. They can start to release and know that, okay, I'm going to get there and you know what they do.

Dr. Fredrick: Yeah. So it sounds like a couple really big things that you focused on them with your clients are that black and white thinking that all or nothing as well as the self-compassion and the grace that sometimes we're not going to be perfect and that's okay. But we just keep going. A hundred percent. I love that.

Where can our viewers learn more about you? Do you have a website? Are you on social media? Where can they find you? 

Tyson: Yeah, the best place is Instagram. And so it's, you know, at Tyson, T Y S O N underscore Dirksen, which is my last name. D E R K S E N. There you'll see me. That's where I live and thrive. [00:10:00] I'm currently in Costa Rica.

So you'll see a lot of my stories have to do with that right now. So. 

Dr. Fredrick: Perfect. Well, thank you so much for joining us. 

Tyson: I appreciate it. Thank you, Liz. Thank you. 

Dr. Fredrick: And thank you all for tuning into this episode of calm, cool and connected. Please make sure to find us on Facebook and Instagram and also make sure to rate and subscribe to our podcast so that others can discover our content as well.

Thank you again for joining us in this episode of calm. Cool and connected. Have a great day. .